Tag Archives for " wine "
It’s inevitable. It is a part of life. At one time or another, you will have sick kids. You will have sick kids and it will be miserable. For them AND for you.
Sick Kids are nothing like the commercials you see. Cute little baby not feeling well, snuggling with mommy, smiling, as she wipes that cute little red nose. NO. Have you ever tried to wipe a babies nose? There is nothing cute about it. Let’s start with the fact that there will be absolutely no smiling on the kids part. It will be bloody murder screaming as if you are trying to steal their soul through that boogery little nose.Continue reading
I am going to tell you the absolute most important things you will need to survive your job as a stay at home mom.Continue reading
I completely suck at being a “house wife.” I believe I take pretty good care of my children but I suck at the whole “keep your house clean” thing.
If you look at my personal Pinterest boards, I have about 5,463 pins on things like, How to keep your house spotless and DIY Cleaners that are good for the environment, but let’s be real. Who the F has time for that?? Why spend five hours making these cleaners that apparently will make your house smell like you fart butterflies, when you could spend that time asleep, or watching family feud?
About an hour before my husband comes home from work everyday, I run around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to clean up. I hate cleaning. I run to do the dishes and notice we are out of dishwasher detergent. Son of A F&$# B*%$!!
There is no way in hell I am taking my children to the store. So I decide to look on Pinterest! There has got to be some way I can make some sort of DIY detergent.
Yes there are 11,000 freaking ways to make homemade dishwasher detergents. I start scrolling and noticed I am being sucked in by the power of Pinterest. There must be some secret code written into these pins that hypnotize you. Why make a simple one time dishwasher detergent when you could make 100 eco friendly detergent tabs that smell like lemons and lavender. Yes Pinterest, you are right. I need to make those, what was I thinking? I totally have time for that.
I find one I like, it has a pretty picture. Ok, ingredients, washing soda. WTF is washing soda?? It’s probably baking soda. Google, is washing soda and baking soda the same thing? No. But you can make washing soda by baking baking soda for an hour. Baking baking soda, are you kidding me?
What else do I need, silicone molds. Oh ok let me just pull those out. Who the hell has washing soda and silicone molds handy at all times? Who am I, Martha freakin’ Stewart?
Next, I do the only thing any married woman with kids would do, I call my mom. Mom do you have any washing soda and silicone molds? Uh, what’s that? I don’t know, it sounds like something old people should have on hand. No, I don’t think so. Crap.
Ok, back to Pinterest to find an easier way to make a quick detergent. I find one that instructs you to use two tablespoons of baking soda, and one teaspoon of dawn and run dishwasher as normal. Perfect I have those ingredients, let’s try it. I start the dishwasher then think, wait won’t the dawn make it all sudsy in here?
Text husband: We were out of dishwasher soap so I made some DIY stuff from Pinterest. I hope it doesn’t get messy. Haha.
He probably thinks, Why the hell did I marry this crazy lady?
It didn’t get messy. It actually kind of worked. I’m not going to lie I really want to make those homemade soaps. I probably won’t, but I want too. Maybe after a bottle of wine I’ll be inspired!
Are you a Pinterest DIY-er? Have you ever had any epic fails? Tell me in the comments!
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In my life as a Mom of two I end up cleaning up a lot of poop. I’m talking A LOT OF POOP. Whether it be my two year old pooping in his room, or my 4 month old blowing out her diaper. It’s poop all day every day. I decided to share how to handle this situation, the way a perfect mom would.
Okay, or at least how I would.
Let’s say your two year old just pooped all over his toys and the carpet in his bedroom. Here is how to clean it up in 10 easy steps.
Step 1: Grab a wine glass, fill that wine glass, take a large drink.
Step 2: Grab a ton of paper towels, every cleaner you can find, and a plastic bag.
Step 3: Take another very large drink of wine
Step 4: Using paper towels grab all solid poopie that you can and insert into plastic bag.
(You may use gloves if you have any)
Step 5: Grab all toys covered in poo that do not need to be saved and insert into plastic bag.
(For me this is all of the toys- none of them are worth saving)
Step 6: Tie plastic bag, and sneak out of the house like you are smuggling 122 lbs of cocaine across the Mexican border. Insert bag into outside dumpster.
I repeat DO NOT GET CAUGHT!
Step 7: Wash hands, gag, and pour more wine.
Step 8: Spray whatever cleaner you have and half ass attempt to scrub poopie out of the carpet. Cover with a towel to “soak” then spray Febreze to cover the stench.
Step 9: Call husband to clean the rest. Tell him you tried your best but you just need him. It’ll make him feel wanted and needed.
Step 10: Finish that wine, you deserve it.
A few extra tips: Remove Children from the room where the pooping happened. You don’t want to walk in on the two year old drawing a poop mustache on the baby.
That, my friends, is how to clean poopie out of your child’s room in 10 easy steps.
Thank you for reading! Do you have any poop horror stories? Let me know below!
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