Super Sirrious Mom

Author Archives: Super Sirrious Mom

How To Upset A Toddler

Get Out Of My House!

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My two year old son is usually a complete sweetheart. For the most part, he loves everyone and is very social. This is something I am very proud of because that is the complete opposite of what I am.Continue reading

How To Add Breast Milk To Baby Food Without Pumping

Yes, I Just Milked Myself.

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My five month old daughter has recently started on solid foods. So far she has tried rice, oatmeal, and avocados. I like to make my own baby food at home (I know, shocker right!?) and in making my own baby food I mix everything with breast milk.Continue reading

Yes, I Hear You!

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My two year old son has this constant need for everyone to acknowledge everything he says. I’m mean every single thing. He even needs me to acknowledge him when he’s talking in his sleep!

The problem is, I am very good at tuning out all unnecessary noise. So if I do not respond to him right away he repeats himself over and over again. I’m serious, for example:

Mom, Bot has a forehead.

Mamma, Bot has a forehead.

MOM BOT HAS A FOREHEAD!

Mommy bot has a forehead!!!!!!!!!

MOMMY!!

BOT HAS A FOREHEAD!

YES, SON! For the love of God, yes, Bot has a freaking forehead!

Might I add, this conversation was at 11pm and why I needed to know that Bot from Team Umizoomi has a forehead, I’ll never know.

He will repeat himself 100 times if he has too. I’ve done a few experiments where I purposely don’t answer him, just to see how many times he will repeat himself. He doesn’t give up. He keeps going until I acknowledge him. I’m convinced he’d say the same thing for an hour straight. Or possibly until my eyes bulge out of my head and scare the crap out of him.

I’m pretty sure this phase is going to make my brain explode. I just don’t feel the need to constantly reply to every single thing he says. I mean he’s two years old, and he NEVER stops talking. It’s like that scene from the show family guy.

Stewie:  “Mom, Mom, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Mama, Mom, MOM, MOMMY.”

Lois:  “WHAT!?!”

That is my life, 24 hours a day. Even my husband mentioned, you should write about him constantly needed to be answered. As I’m writing this he is saying, “Mommy, this is Batman? It’s Batman. Mommy, it’s batman. Mommy, Batman. Batman. Mommy, it’s Batman.”

YES, IT’S BATMAN! Now I want to grab Batman and rip his head off and stick his body in the oven and torture him so I never have to see him again! Holy hell, YES I HEAR YOU!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I love having conversations with my son. He really is intelligent and hilarious.  When he is saying something meaningful, I always reply and if he needs help, I reply. But if I happen to be on the phone and he wants to tell me that his water is so yummy, do I really need to reply? If you ask him the answer is yes.

Does your child do something similar? As a result does it make your eyes pop out of your head too?

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Motherhood is Messy

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Being a mother is the greatest job in the world. It is also one of the messiest. It starts from the moment that tiny, little baby is pulled from your body. The doctor holds the baby up for you to see. You are overwhelmed with a sense of love and all of the sudden there is pee squirting you in the face.

There is a joke in my family that the first time your baby pees on you it means that you are being initiated into parenthood. Little do you know that getting peed on once will turn into getting peed on at least once a day for the next 18 years. (I’m assuming- because my son is two and potty trained and he still somehow manages to get pee on me.) It’s not only pee, babies poop A LOT. Not cute, little poops that you imagine would come from a tiny, little angel. They are mustard yellow poops that spray out like a machine gun and stain your walls.

Besides being covered in poop, pee, and boogers, you will probably be covered in some of your child’s food. Whether it be breast milk from your leaking tatas or disgusting diarrhea green, pureed peas, it will somehow end up on your shirt, in your hair, in your shoes, or up your nose. Therefor, you will constantly be walking around smelling like some sort of old food.

Now aside from things that your child can cover you in, let’s talk about how messy your child can make your house. I mean holy hell, have you seen a toddler’s bedroom? Toys cover the ground forming a giant stuffed animal mountain that could probably protect you from a nuclear blast. Spilled bags of cheerios are covering the floor just inviting the mice to come have a sleep over, and there is a boobie trap of Legos blocking you from entering the stuffed animal bunker.

 

Somehow you have to do eight loads of laundry a day, just to be able to cross your living room. Doing the dishes twice a day is nowhere near enough. So they cover the counters, the tables, the floors, for some god-forsaken reason there are bowls behind the couch. Seriously though, why?

At the end of the day, you finally have the choice to go to sleep or wash that disgusting baby food off yourself and clean up the house. Naturally you choose sleep. Who cares if it’s a dirty house? Who cares if you smell like you were rolling in garbage? I don’t care. I won’t judge you.

In conclusion, yes, Motherhood is messy, but it’s worth it.

Is your house a mess? Or are you a magical creature who can constantly keep her home clean? Tell me in the comments!

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Yep, I Just Peed

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After birthing to two massive children, I don’t exactly have the best bladder control. My first child was over nine pounds and my second was right at nine pounds. They scarred me for life. You don’t recover from something like that. (Although I hear there are a few surgical options out there but that’s a discussion for another day.)

I have recently come down with the nasty cold that is going around. Now on top of the runny nose, sneezing, cough, sore throat, swollen eyes, and headaches this miserable cold has brought me, I have to remember to cross my legs constantly. Not cross my legs in a funny way like “you better cross those legs before you get pregnant again.”  But, cross my legs as in, I’m about to sneeze and if I don’t cross my legs the floodgates will open and soak this couch I’m sitting on.

I have a hard enough time holding in my pee when I’m not sick. I mean, I go for a walk and 10 minutes in I realize I have to pee and the rest of the way home I’m waddling like a duck on crack because my pants are soaked. It’s a problem I just can’t hold it like I used to before babies.

The hardest part is standing up and having to sneeze or cough. How do I casually cross my legs and try to hold my pee in without anyone noticing? I guess I’d rather them notice me crossing my legs than me soaking my pants. Maybe I should invest in some sort of adult diapers? I’m not even 30 years old yet and I need to worry about peeing my pants. I need to think about wearing an ultra thick extra long maxi pad when I’m not even on my period. What the hell is this!?

Here is my advice, ladies. Just kidding I have none. I don’t know what to do. I just know it’s a problem and it sucks. Every time I sneeze I pee a little. Sometimes I pee a lot. That is just the way it is, I guess. Yet another glorious part of being woman!

Is this a problem for all of you mama’s out there? Or am I a weirdo that should go to the doctor because I have a problem?? Let me know in the comments!

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