Motherhood, From A Fathers Perspective

My wife claims Motherhood is exhausting.

Motherhood

Well, guess what? I’m exhausted from getting up early to go to work. Every single day I wake up while my wife and kids lay there hogging the entire damn bed. Motherhood isn’t the only thing that is exhausting.

Finally, at work, I get a cup of hot coffee. Lord knows my wife did not wake up early to make a pot of coffee. She doesn’t get up and help prepare me for a hard day at work. I just imagine her laying there in bed, snoring, drooling, pretending that the kids woke her up 12 times last night. I heard them once, ONCE. She thinks she is going to get some pity from me, um no.

Work

Work, as usual, was exhausting. At least people there appreciate me. They actually listen to what I am saying. Unlike the mother of my children who stares off into space, drooling, not even pretending like she’s listening. She always pretends to be so tired.

When I walk through the door at work I am greeted with smiles, good mornings, and how was your weekend? When I walk through the door at home that woman throws the baby at me and runs out the front door as if she’s being chased by a clown with a knife. Claiming the kids were ‘nightmares’ or she ‘just needs a minute.’ Really?

I walk into the kitchen to grab a cold beer and see what is on for dinner.  To my surprise (joke) there is nothing cooking. She said we had no groceries and she can’t handle taking both kids to the store. I guess I am ordering a pizza, again.

Finally, she feels like she is rested enough to talk to me. She tells me all she did today was clean. And the lie detector test determined… She tells me that the kids were terrible, they screamed all day, tore the house apart, turned into wild maniacs. I’m with the kids all of the time. They are definitely not maniacs.

At last, bedtime.

After the day I had I am going to try to get a little somethin’ somethin’ from my wife. She’s got to be happy with me, I bet she’ll be in the mood. I mean, I did order pizza.

No. She is not in the mood. What’s new. She’s exhausted, her back hurts, her head hurts, her vagina still hurts from giving birth ALMOST A YEAR AGO. I guess I’ll just get some sleep, I mean I was up before the sun going to work. I deserve to go to sleep now.

Are you kidding me? That woman has the nerve to throw the baby at me and say it’s MY TURN?!

She’s lucky she’s so damn sexy.

Thank you for reading! What do you think your husband thinks about Motherhood?

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