What NOT To Do When You Are Pregnant

Pregnant

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The Day I Shat Myself While Pregnant

I was about 25 weeks pregnant when one of the most embarrassing things EVER happened to me.  I was on a road trip with my mom and my son who was one at the time. We were out of town to soak up some sun and visit family. After a few days, we finally decided to head back home. We stuck with tradition and ate at our favorite restaurant. My mom and I consider ourselves to be chicken wing connoisseurs. The spicier the wing, the better.  If it doesn’t make your throat bleed then we are not interested.

That was mistake number one.

We ate our delicious chicken wings and decided to gas up and start our three hour journey home. As usual we always gas up at the very last gas station on the way out of town, which was about a 30 minute drive from the restaurant. We hopped in the car and headed out.

That was mistake number two.
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Only a few minutes into our drive, I began to feel the burn. My stomach started to gurgle and growl so loud the people in the car next to us heard. Oh man, I had to poo. I had this problem in my second pregnancy where I could hardly hold my bladder or bowels. I’m guessing it was from pushing out baby #1 who 9+ lbs. and then baby #2 was on track to be that big as well. (Yes, I know. Please hold your applause until the end of the story.)

Mistake number three was thinking I could hold it until we got to the gas station.

I started driving faster, like a bat out of hell. Sweat was covering my entire body. I was clenching like I’ve never clenched before. My poor butt cheeks were so sore from squeezing as tight as they could. Finally we arrive at the gas station. I waddled as fast as I could into the bathroom, squeezing my butt cheeks together all the way. I made it inside and felt myself starting to slip. Then the worst thing that could possibly happen did. There was a line. Tears started to run down my face.  I couldn’t hold it anymore. My body betrayed me and it happened.

I shat myself.

I didn’t let myself show it, I just let it happen. And happen it did. Thank God no one noticed. Finally, it was my turn. I walked backwards into the stall so no one could see my butt. (Because that wasn’t obvious.) I pull down my pants and it’s a mess, a huge freaking mess. I seriously just shat my pants.

In an attempt to hide the awful noises, I kept flushing as the devil squeezed his ugly way out of my poor bottom. I took my poo-filled pants and chonies off and started to try and clean myself up.

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Thank the good Lord that I am obsessed and ALWAYS have my phone on me. I text my mom what happened and asked her to bring me a clean pair of pants and a bag, and to try to be discrete. She finally responded after what seemed like an eternity.  I kept cleaning myself up and pushing out the devil juice.

By that time there was an employee in the bathroom cleaning. She had cleaned everything else, and I could tell by watching her feet she was waiting on me. After a few minutes, she says, “are you ok in there?” I responded, “yes, sorry.” So extremely mortified I started to cry. MOM WHERE ARE YOU??

Finally mom arrives and delivers the goods. I know she wanted to make fun of me, but could tell that in my emotionally unstable pregnant state that wouldn’t be a good idea. I bag up my poopie pants, clean up my mess, and leave.

So here’s my advice.

Don’t eat spicy food when you are pregnant and about to go on a road trip. That probably should have been a no brainer, but chicken wings ruled my pregnant life. I was so mortified, and I can’t believe I am sharing this story. I hope there is someone else out there who has had something just as horrifying happen to them.

Tell me your pregnancy horror stories!

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45 thoughts on “What NOT To Do When You Are Pregnant”

  1. I’ll be totally transparent here–this happened to me while I was pregnant IN THE CAR IN A PLASTIC BAG while my husband was driving…I haven’t had a donut since, and I doubt he’s looked at me the same!

  2. Sirri we have all been in the same boat at one time or another pregnant or not ! I can’t tell you how many times my husband has called me 2 minutes from home asking me to have the door open for him as he gets out of his truck running like he’s being chased by a bear then come to a complete stop squeezing his butt as tight as he can and continue like this until he finally reaches the toilet! It’s too funny and never gets old!

  3. Hahaha!! Okay, that was the best story I have heard in quite some time. I never got that bad during pregnancy, but I came close after I delivered. Not pleasant memories.

  4. Oh my goodness, lol! I love spicy food as well but I will def. remember this when I’m pregnant. I would’ve been mortified just like you. I’m glad you’re able to laugh about it now.

  5. I almost shat myself from laughter!! Sorry! I know how awful you must have felt. Pregnancy betrays us in weird ways. Glad you can laugh about it now, though!

  6. oh my lol everyone who’s ever been pregnant can relate to the crazy things your body does when there’s a baby inside smooshing all your parts! I had the walking farts THE ENTIRE TIME I was pregnant with my 3rd. It was terrible. Couldn’t go anywhere!

  7. That sounds like a horrible experience! Ugh. How wonderful that your mom was able to assist you with some clean clothes. Oh the things that happen during pregnancy . . . thanks for sharing your story!

  8. Oh man, I’ve never been pregnant, but I have such a sensitive stomach as it is that I’ll bet I should be extra careful if I ever end up in this situation. Not fun! At least you can laugh about it (and write a hilarious blog about it so we can laugh about it)n now!

  9. OMG this was so funny! Nothing like this has ever happened to me (at least not as an adult) but my best friend accidentally shat herselft at TJ Max once when we were shopping lol. She thought it was just a fart, turns out, it was much more than that! And of course she had a line and a sweet old lady in line wanted to chat it up with her as she’s standing there with poopy pants!

  10. Oh my I laughed really hard at this and almost woke my baby who is currently snoozing on my lap. I have my own bathroom story to tell. When I was pregnant with her I had terrible morning sickness up to 25ish weeks. I was in a stall in the bathroom and a little old lady took the stall next to me in a hurry. She had an episode quite like what you describe and some of it got on the floor. Literally everything made me puke then and it took so much willpower for me to not vomit but I managed because I was desperate to not make her feel worse! I still feel bad for her when I think about it.

  11. I love me some coffee and mugg n bean has been my restaurant of choice forever…. Fast forward to when my daughter was 3 months old and we’re in transit so I have a large cup and their richest cake to pass the time when suddenly, my tummy starts grumbling. Needless to say I had to run with our carry on luggage & a tiny human strapped to my chest and head for the smallest airport bathroom in the history of airport bathrooms so I can ease myself. why? Because in my excitement I forgot that their coffee A.L.W.A.Y.S. gives me the runs. Like you, I had a cleaning lady waiting for me to finish but she didn’t need to ask me if everything was okay because she and every other person who entered could hear just what was going on. I was just had my darling daughter slept through the drama.

  12. Oh no! A pregnant nightmare! This story simultaneously hysterical and tear jerking. Thanks for turning your pain into a funny story for us :).

  13. Omg. Can not believe you shared that & so happy you did! You poor thing! Thanks for sharing so other mommas know what NOT to do! I only ever really had boob leakage, no anal leakage. 😂😂

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