How to Clean Poop in 10 Easy Steps

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In my life as a Mom of two I end up cleaning up a lot of poop. I’m talking A LOT OF POOP. Whether it be my two year old pooping in his room, or my 4 month old blowing out her diaper. It’s poop all day every day. I decided to share how to handle this situation, the way a perfect mom would.

Okay, or at least how I would.

Let’s say your two year old just pooped all over his toys and the carpet in his bedroom. Here is how to clean it up in 10 easy steps.

Step 1: Grab a wine glass, fill that wine glass, take a large drink.

Step 2: Grab a  ton of paper towels, every cleaner you can find, and a plastic bag.

Step 3: Take another very large drink of wine

Step 4: Using paper towels grab all solid poopie that you can and insert into plastic bag.
(You may use gloves if you have any)

Step 5: Grab all toys covered in poo that do not need to be saved and insert into plastic bag.
(For me this is all of the toys- none of them are worth saving)

Step 6: Tie plastic bag, and sneak out of the house like you are smuggling 122 lbs of cocaine across the Mexican border. Insert bag into outside dumpster.

I repeat DO NOT GET CAUGHT!

Step 7: Wash hands, gag, and pour more wine.

Step 8: Spray whatever cleaner you have and half ass attempt to scrub poopie out of the carpet. Cover with a towel to “soak” then spray Febreze to cover the stench.

Step 9: Call husband to clean the rest. Tell him you tried your best but you just need him. It’ll make him feel wanted and needed.
(Trust me)

Step 10: Finish that wine, you deserve it.

A few extra tips: Remove Children from the room where the pooping happened. You don’t want to walk in on the two year old drawing a poop mustache on the baby.

That, my friends, is how to clean poopie out of your child’s room in 10 easy steps.

Thank you for reading! Do you have any poop horror stories? Let me know below!

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4 thoughts on “How to Clean Poop in 10 Easy Steps”

  1. Oh my god I haven’t laughed so hard in a while! At first I was like TEN easy steps?! TEN, but I see now that all the steps are necessary. However, I believe step one needs to be repeated at LEAST 4 more times. We’ve all been there. I don’t even wanna talk about the “shit-uation”s I’ve been through. 😂

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