What NOT To Do When You Are Pregnant

The Day I Shat Myself While Pregnant

I was about 25 weeks pregnant when one of the most embarrassing things EVER happened to me.  I was on a road trip with my mom and my son who was one at the time. We were out of town to soak up some sun and visit family. After a few days, we finally decided to head back home. We stuck with tradition and ate at our favorite restaurant. My mom and I consider ourselves to be chicken wing connoisseurs. The spicier the wing, the better.  If it doesn’t make your throat bleed then we are not interested.

That was mistake number one.

We ate our delicious chicken wings and decided to gas up and start our three hour journey home. As usual we always gas up at the very last gas station on the way out of town, which was about a 30 minute drive from the restaurant. We hopped in the car and headed out.

That was mistake number two.
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Only a few minutes into our drive, I began to feel the burn. My stomach started to gurgle and growl so loud the people in the car next to us heard. Oh man, I had to poo. I had this problem in my second pregnancy where I could hardly hold my bladder or bowels. I’m guessing it was from pushing out baby #1 who 9+ lbs. and then baby #2 was on track to be that big as well. (Yes, I know. Please hold your applause until the end of the story.)

Mistake number three was thinking I could hold it until we got to the gas station.

I started driving faster, like a bat out of hell. Sweat was covering my entire body. I was clenching like I’ve never clenched before. My poor butt cheeks were so sore from squeezing as tight as they could. Finally we arrive at the gas station. I waddled as fast as I could into the bathroom, squeezing my butt cheeks together all the way. I made it inside and felt myself starting to slip. Then the worst thing that could possibly happen did. There was a line. Tears started to run down my face.  I couldn’t hold it anymore. My body betrayed me and it happened.

I shat myself.

I didn’t let myself show it, I just let it happen. And happen it did. Thank God no one noticed. Finally, it was my turn. I walked backwards into the stall so no one could see my butt. (Because that wasn’t obvious.) I pull down my pants and it’s a mess, a huge freaking mess. I seriously just shat my pants.

In an attempt to hide the awful noises, I kept flushing as the devil squeezed his ugly way out of my poor bottom. I took my poo-filled pants and chonies off and started to try and clean myself up.

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Thank the good Lord that I am obsessed and ALWAYS have my phone on me. I text my mom what happened and asked her to bring me a clean pair of pants and a bag, and to try to be discrete. She finally responded after what seemed like an eternity.  I kept cleaning myself up and pushing out the devil juice.

By that time there was an employee in the bathroom cleaning. She had cleaned everything else, and I could tell by watching her feet she was waiting on me. After a few minutes, she says, “are you ok in there?” I responded, “yes, sorry.” So extremely mortified I started to cry. MOM WHERE ARE YOU??

Finally mom arrives and delivers the goods. I know she wanted to make fun of me, but could tell that in my emotionally unstable pregnant state that wouldn’t be a good idea. I bag up my poopie pants, clean up my mess, and leave.

So here’s my advice.

Don’t eat spicy food when you are pregnant and about to go on a road trip. That probably should have been a no brainer, but chicken wings ruled my pregnant life. I was so mortified, and I can’t believe I am sharing this story. I hope there is someone else out there who has had something just as horrifying happen to them.

Tell me your pregnancy horror stories!

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