12 Hilarious Father’s Day Gifts

Father’s Day is just around the corner.

Are you ready? Want to get Dad something for Father’s Day that will have him laughing so hard that HE pees his pants? Look no further I’ve got you covered.

To make life easy I have found 12 of the most hilarious gifts for dad. Wait, there’s more. Every item on this list is on Amazon Prime. That’s right, you don’t even have to leave your house and with prime it’ll be here before Father’s Day! So pour a glass of wine and do some online shopping.

Without further ado I give you

12 Hilarious Father’s Day Gifts (That Dad Will Actually Love)

1. Best Effin Dad Mug.
Because, he is, isn’t he?
2. World’s greatest farter t-shirt.
Let’s be real, he really is.

3. I love you hand stamped lure
And Dad REALLY loves fishing.

4. Cards Against Humanity
This game and a 12 pack of beer will guarantee Dad has the best night ever.

5. The squatty potty 🙂
Does Dad poop? Yes, the answer is yes. he’s going to need one of these.

6. V.I.POO
Dad, your shit stinks. Hint-hint. The rest of us will thank you.

7. Poo-Pourri Master Crapsman Gift Set
Really, Dad. You spend most of your time in the bathroom, this benefits you too.

Dad, you get a little angry when you are hungry. Have a snack. *I promise not to steal anything.*
9. Accoutrements Emergency Underpants
Everyone has accidents, Dad. It’s okay.

10. Star Wars Stormtrooper Waffle Maker
This will be the best Father’s Day breakfast of all time.
11. I like my coffee on the dark side mug
Obviously, Dad is going to need a badass cup to go with his badass waffle.

12. The Farting Animals Coloring Book
This might be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. What Dad doesn’t like a good fart joke?

These are hilarious, am I right?

Don’t leave Dad hanging with a boring neck tie. Show him you really love him by making him smile.

Thank you for reading! Which one of these hilarious gifts are your favorite? Follow me on Facebook to see which one is mine!

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father's day

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A Letter To My Husband on Father’s Day

With Father’s Day upon us I would like to take a minute to say a little bit about my husband. The father of my children and the most important man in my life.

Dear Husband,

Thank you. I know I do not say this enough. You go to work every day and bust your butt so we can have an amazing life. Thank you for allowing me to be a stay at home mom with our children. Thank you for supporting me and helping me follow my dreams.
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You do so much more than work though. You do all of the hard things that I won’t. Like, clean up vomit. Not only the kids and the dogs but mine too. I don’t even have to ask and for this, I thank you. Thank you for doing all of the gross work.

You don’t know how much I appreciate every single back rub. (Yes, I know I ask every single night.) You only give me a few groans but you still do it. After dealing with the kids all day it’s so nice to be spoiled by you. I know you deserve a back rub too, I swear someday I’ll get to it.

Thank you for loving me even though I am not the same woman you met ten years ago. I can no longer fit into those little outfits I used to wear. I have stretch marks that look like a map of the United States. You still love me, you still make me feel beautiful, and you don’t comment when I haven’t shaved my legs in a month. I appreciate that.

Thank you for always having my back. When it comes to my parenting methods, my family, your family, or just in general, you always support me. I know I am not the easiest person to deal with and you only sometimes make fun of my awkwardness. For that, I love you even more.


I am so in love with how much you love our children. You are the best father in the world and they adore you. (M always pulling your beard and ripping your glasses off is her way of saying, I love you, Daddy.) The kids are crazy all of the time. Where was I going with that? Oh, they are crazy but they love you. Even if you think they don’t show it.

Thank you for being patient with me. In all aspects of our marriage. I know you don’t get much you time. Just know that I notice. I don’t give you as much attention and I did before our kids, okay you hardly get any at all. I swear someday I will figure it out.

There is so much more I could say but our kids are waking up and ain’t nobody got time for that.
I love you, babycakes!
Do you have an amazing man in your life?? Tell me about him!

Father's Day


How To Give Mom The Perfect Mother’s Day

What Mom Really Wants For Mother’s Day

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Mother’s Day. The day that comes around once a year where everyone is obligated to tell Mom how much they love her.

Now, I’m going to be honest, I love Mother’s Day. I love a day that is supposed to celebrate me, a mom. To me, it’s not really about the gifts. (Okay, I won’t lie, I love receiving gifts.) It’s more about the fact that everyone has to try to be nice to me all day long!

I’m going to give you a list of ideas that you can’t fit in a little bag.

  1. Clean The House. I mean REALLY clean the house. Last Mother’s Day, my husband had our carpets professionally cleaned. I’ve never been more turned on. Seriously though, have you ever listened to your wife/mom complain about how she is CONSTANTLY cleaning?

Here’s how you execute this.

Wake up before she does and clean the house. If you are planning on making her breakfast, that’s awesome. I love when other people cook for me. BUT I do not like the mess other people make while cooking. I can’t relax while eating my Mother’s Day breakfast while sitting at the table staring at the mountain of dishes in the sink.
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2. Plan The Day. This is SO important. Don’t make Mom wake up on her special day and then say so, what do you want to do today? Nothing says, I put no thought into this day like asking Mom, on the day of, what she wants to do.

It’s pretty simple actually.

You should know mom better than anyone, and chances are if she’s anything like me she’s dropped some hints about what she wants to do on her special day. So, plan it for her. Does she want to get a pedicure in peace? Call and schedule it for her! Tell her that you have the kids and she has an appointment to go relax. Does she want to do something as a family? Go to brunch? Hike? PLAN IT. Plan a picnic, get ready before the big day! Don’t make her do any of the work.

3. Let Her Use The Bathroom Alone. Every single time. You read that right, one full day of letting mommy pee, poop, and shower all alone. By alone, I don’t mean have the kids standing outside of the door screaming at her. I’m talking quiet, alone, non-rushed, bathroom time. Let her do what dad gets to do every day!

Do you know how often, as a mom, I get to use the bathroom by myself?

Maybe, and I mean maybe once a day. Trust me when I say it’s not easy to poop when you have two kids running around the bathroom, yelling at you, ripping the towels out of the closet. Or when you can hear them screaming for mommy even though you left them with daddy. It’s important to remember to not make mommy feel bad for wanting to wash her hair alone.

4. Tend To The Children. If Mom is a stay at home mom then there is a good chance that all she does all day is wipe butts, kiss boo-boos, and obviously, take care of the kids.

Do this for her.

Baby pooped? Change that diaper immediately! Is the toddler screaming in the kitchen for a snack? Get up and get him one. Let Mama relax for one day, it may seem so simple but to her, it is a huge deal!

These simple steps will help Mama have the best day ever.

Of course, you can go above and beyond with simple steps like these. Do you know what would start my morning off just right? Have coffee made before I wake up. I’m getting all excited just thinking about that!

Remember Mother’s Day does not have to be expensive. I mean it can be, I don’t mind that either. Most of the time it’s the thought that counts! Make that special mom in your life feel special. Doesn’t she deserve it?

What do you like to do for Mother’s Day? Sit around and chill with the family? Have a day to yourself at the spa? Let me know in the comments!

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What NOT To Do When You Are Pregnant

The Day I Shat Myself While Pregnant

I was about 25 weeks pregnant when one of the most embarrassing things EVER happened to me.  I was on a road trip with my mom and my son who was one at the time. We were out of town to soak up some sun and visit family. After a few days, we finally decided to head back home. We stuck with tradition and ate at our favorite restaurant. My mom and I consider ourselves to be chicken wing connoisseurs. The spicier the wing, the better.  If it doesn’t make your throat bleed then we are not interested.

That was mistake number one.

We ate our delicious chicken wings and decided to gas up and start our three hour journey home. As usual we always gas up at the very last gas station on the way out of town, which was about a 30 minute drive from the restaurant. We hopped in the car and headed out.

That was mistake number two.
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Only a few minutes into our drive, I began to feel the burn. My stomach started to gurgle and growl so loud the people in the car next to us heard. Oh man, I had to poo. I had this problem in my second pregnancy where I could hardly hold my bladder or bowels. I’m guessing it was from pushing out baby #1 who 9+ lbs. and then baby #2 was on track to be that big as well. (Yes, I know. Please hold your applause until the end of the story.)

Mistake number three was thinking I could hold it until we got to the gas station.

I started driving faster, like a bat out of hell. Sweat was covering my entire body. I was clenching like I’ve never clenched before. My poor butt cheeks were so sore from squeezing as tight as they could. Finally we arrive at the gas station. I waddled as fast as I could into the bathroom, squeezing my butt cheeks together all the way. I made it inside and felt myself starting to slip. Then the worst thing that could possibly happen did. There was a line. Tears started to run down my face.  I couldn’t hold it anymore. My body betrayed me and it happened.

I shat myself.

I didn’t let myself show it, I just let it happen. And happen it did. Thank God no one noticed. Finally, it was my turn. I walked backwards into the stall so no one could see my butt. (Because that wasn’t obvious.) I pull down my pants and it’s a mess, a huge freaking mess. I seriously just shat my pants.

In an attempt to hide the awful noises, I kept flushing as the devil squeezed his ugly way out of my poor bottom. I took my poo-filled pants and chonies off and started to try and clean myself up.

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Thank the good Lord that I am obsessed and ALWAYS have my phone on me. I text my mom what happened and asked her to bring me a clean pair of pants and a bag, and to try to be discrete. She finally responded after what seemed like an eternity.  I kept cleaning myself up and pushing out the devil juice.

By that time there was an employee in the bathroom cleaning. She had cleaned everything else, and I could tell by watching her feet she was waiting on me. After a few minutes, she says, “are you ok in there?” I responded, “yes, sorry.” So extremely mortified I started to cry. MOM WHERE ARE YOU??

Finally mom arrives and delivers the goods. I know she wanted to make fun of me, but could tell that in my emotionally unstable pregnant state that wouldn’t be a good idea. I bag up my poopie pants, clean up my mess, and leave.

So here’s my advice.

Don’t eat spicy food when you are pregnant and about to go on a road trip. That probably should have been a no brainer, but chicken wings ruled my pregnant life. I was so mortified, and I can’t believe I am sharing this story. I hope there is someone else out there who has had something just as horrifying happen to them.

Tell me your pregnancy horror stories!

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Motherhood is Messy

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Being a mother is the greatest job in the world. It is also one of the messiest. It starts from the moment that tiny, little baby is pulled from your body. The doctor holds the baby up for you to see. You are overwhelmed with a sense of love and all of the sudden there is pee squirting you in the face.

There is a joke in my family that the first time your baby pees on you it means that you are being initiated into parenthood. Little do you know that getting peed on once will turn into getting peed on at least once a day for the next 18 years. (I’m assuming- because my son is two and potty trained and he still somehow manages to get pee on me.) It’s not only pee, babies poop A LOT. Not cute, little poops that you imagine would come from a tiny, little angel. They are mustard yellow poops that spray out like a machine gun and stain your walls.

Besides being covered in poop, pee, and boogers, you will probably be covered in some of your child’s food. Whether it be breast milk from your leaking tatas or disgusting diarrhea green, pureed peas, it will somehow end up on your shirt, in your hair, in your shoes, or up your nose. Therefor, you will constantly be walking around smelling like some sort of old food.

Now aside from things that your child can cover you in, let’s talk about how messy your child can make your house. I mean holy hell, have you seen a toddler’s bedroom? Toys cover the ground forming a giant stuffed animal mountain that could probably protect you from a nuclear blast. Spilled bags of cheerios are covering the floor just inviting the mice to come have a sleep over, and there is a boobie trap of Legos blocking you from entering the stuffed animal bunker.


Somehow you have to do eight loads of laundry a day, just to be able to cross your living room. Doing the dishes twice a day is nowhere near enough. So they cover the counters, the tables, the floors, for some god-forsaken reason there are bowls behind the couch. Seriously though, why?

At the end of the day, you finally have the choice to go to sleep or wash that disgusting baby food off yourself and clean up the house. Naturally you choose sleep. Who cares if it’s a dirty house? Who cares if you smell like you were rolling in garbage? I don’t care. I won’t judge you.

In conclusion, yes, Motherhood is messy, but it’s worth it.

Is your house a mess? Or are you a magical creature who can constantly keep her home clean? Tell me in the comments!

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How to Clean Poop in 10 Easy Steps

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In my life as a Mom of two I end up cleaning up a lot of poop. I’m talking A LOT OF POOP. Whether it be my two year old pooping in his room, or my 4 month old blowing out her diaper. It’s poop all day every day. I decided to share how to handle this situation, the way a perfect mom would.

Okay, or at least how I would.

Let’s say your two year old just pooped all over his toys and the carpet in his bedroom. Here is how to clean it up in 10 easy steps.

Step 1: Grab a wine glass, fill that wine glass, take a large drink.

Step 2: Grab a  ton of paper towels, every cleaner you can find, and a plastic bag.

Step 3: Take another very large drink of wine

Step 4: Using paper towels grab all solid poopie that you can and insert into plastic bag.
(You may use gloves if you have any)

Step 5: Grab all toys covered in poo that do not need to be saved and insert into plastic bag.
(For me this is all of the toys- none of them are worth saving)

Step 6: Tie plastic bag, and sneak out of the house like you are smuggling 122 lbs of cocaine across the Mexican border. Insert bag into outside dumpster.


Step 7: Wash hands, gag, and pour more wine.

Step 8: Spray whatever cleaner you have and half ass attempt to scrub poopie out of the carpet. Cover with a towel to “soak” then spray Febreze to cover the stench.

Step 9: Call husband to clean the rest. Tell him you tried your best but you just need him. It’ll make him feel wanted and needed.
(Trust me)

Step 10: Finish that wine, you deserve it.

A few extra tips: Remove Children from the room where the pooping happened. You don’t want to walk in on the two year old drawing a poop mustache on the baby.

That, my friends, is how to clean poopie out of your child’s room in 10 easy steps.

Thank you for reading! Do you have any poop horror stories? Let me know below!

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Let’s talk about poop

Poop, is a subject no one wants to talk about, yet it is something we all do. Stinky, nasty, poop.

Let’s take a minute and talk about the hardest poop of a new mother’s life. That first poop. The first poop after you finally push that giant bundle of joy out of your hoodie hoo (or have it cut out of your tummy.) If you have given birth, you know what I am talking about. Yeah, THAT poop. Before becoming pregnant, you hear all of the horror stories. “I tore and got 4,325 stitches” or “I was in labor for 40 days and 40 nights and ended up with an emergency c-section,” but they all end the same way.  “As soon as I held that beautiful baby in my arms all of the pain disappeared.” That really is true.  You don’t notice your guts hanging out, or your vag is tore to shreds.  You just know you have that perfect little human in your arms, but that’s where the stories stop.  They don’t tell you what happens once you are home.

You get home, you are sore, tired, and trying to figure out life with that new baby. It’s been a couple of days and you notice that ache in your tummy. You think to yourself “When was the last time I pooped? Have I been taking my stool softeners? I don’t even know what year it is anymore, let alone the last time I took my meds or took a massive poopie.” So, you pop a couple of stool softeners, what’s the worse that could happen?

Okay, it’s coming, poop time. Your baby starts to scream, and your husband is nowhere to be found. Alright, give baby a boob then go poop. Nope, it’s coming now, you are prairie doggin’. Alright, baby must come with to the toilet, he/she can nurse, you can poop, it has to happen. You know it’s gross but there is no other option. All you need to do now is just give a little push and all will be…OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS PAIN?! Holy crap, I feel like Darth Vader just jumped out of the toilet and cut my cooter open again with his lightsaber. I have to poop so bad, how do I do this?? I’m on the toilet, nursing my baby, crying from pain, trying to poop. I think to myself, I can do this, I am one tough biotch, ain’t no sore coochy gonna stop me from getting that sweet relief that I so deserve. Little push, ow, little push, oh, sweet baby Jesus it’s happening, Tears of joy, run down my face.

Fast forward to the middle of the night, when you are again, breastfeeding your baby. Then it really hits, your stomach growls so loud the neighbors dog started howling. You run into the bathroom, trying to pull down your pants. Explosion city starts to happen before you can even sit all of the way down. Lord almighty, those stitches are torn now. I probably should have only taken one stool softener. Lesson learned.


Two hours pass, and I am finally done. My poor bum. My poor va-jay-jay. My poor toilet.
So, if you are expecting a baby anytime soon, just keep this in the back of your mind. It’s going to happen. It’s probably going to hurt, but you just have to poo.

Did this happen to you? Tell me your horror stories below!

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