Three Tips For A First Time Mom

What Every Second Time Mom Wishes Every First Time Mom Knew.

If you are a mom, then you have been there. The dreaded “first time mom” that everyone jokes about. You are overprotective and over tired. You don’t want anyone to know that you are struggling. With that, you’d rather eat a dirty diaper than hear I told you so.

I was this mom. I didn’t want anyone to think that I couldn’t do this. For some reason I wanted everyone to look at me and think damn, she really has it together. It wasn’t until I gave birth to my second child that I realized I was an idiot.

Now, I know that we all need to make our mistakes as a first time mom. We have to suffer from first time mom syndrome, as I like to call it. Looking back, there are a few things I wish I would have done differently. Not huge regrets, but simple things that could have made me a better mom at times.

Accept Help

Alright, listen here mama. You either just pushed a gigantic baby out of your magical fun box or your stomach was completely sliced through and a baby was pulled out of your body. Yes, you are going to need a bit of help.

I was so neurotic that I wouldn’t let my mom take my son out of the room when it was time for me to get some sleep. I rarely accepted the opportunity to shower. If people offered to come over and help I usually declined.

Why?

First, I had undiagnosed PPD. It was so hard for me to let other people around my child. I felt like every person who came to visit was trying to take my baby from me.

Second, my son was born with small muscular VSD (heart murmur and hole in his heart) I never wanted to leave his side.

Third, I didn’t want anyone to think that I couldn’t do it on my own. I was afraid people would think my husband and I couldn’t handle a baby. That they would go to the hair parlor sipping pink lemonade and whisper, you know she had to have her sister come over and hold that baby just so she could wash her smelly vag and shove food in her face. Back in my day, I showered while holding the baby and cooking dinner at the same time. That happens, I’m sure of it.

So please, accept a little help when you need it. If someone offered to bring you dinner, take it! Your sister wants to clean your house? Let her! It doesn’t make you any less of a mom if you accept help while raising your first child.

Stand Your Ground

Now, this won’t be as long because it’s fairly simple and something I wish I would have done more. I’m going to say it loud and clear so you get it the first time.

DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SAY NO!

There are so many situations that I wish I would have stood my ground. I wish I would have spoken up. I don’t care what the situation is. Don’t want visitors, tell them NO. ( I know it seems condescending with the above advice.) A lot of times you will deeply regret not saying no when you feel you should have. Don’t worry about other people’s feelings. Worry about you and your baby.

Own That Shit.

You are a first time mom. Chances are every little thing will worry you and chances are there will be someone there to laugh at you.

If you feel you need to go to the doctor three days a week because you are sure there is something wrong with your baby who slept two hours longer today. Do it. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad. Be loud and proud.
You WILL suffer from first-time mom syndrome, as it is your right to do so. Don’t feel bad, don’t feel inadequate. If needed use the following phrase, “kiss my ass.”

We all learn as we go. Yes, the rumors are true about what changes when you have your second child. We become some sort of seasoned mom pro. So take my advice new moms, or don’t, I know I wouldn’t have.

What lessons did you learn as a second-time mom? Did you suffer from First Time Mom Syndrome? Tell me in the comments!

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How To Give Mom The Perfect Mother’s Day

What Mom Really Wants For Mother’s Day


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Mother’s Day. The day that comes around once a year where everyone is obligated to tell Mom how much they love her.

Now, I’m going to be honest, I love Mother’s Day. I love a day that is supposed to celebrate me, a mom. To me, it’s not really about the gifts. (Okay, I won’t lie, I love receiving gifts.) It’s more about the fact that everyone has to try to be nice to me all day long!

I’m going to give you a list of ideas that you can’t fit in a little bag.

  1. Clean The House. I mean REALLY clean the house. Last Mother’s Day, my husband had our carpets professionally cleaned. I’ve never been more turned on. Seriously though, have you ever listened to your wife/mom complain about how she is CONSTANTLY cleaning?

Here’s how you execute this.

Wake up before she does and clean the house. If you are planning on making her breakfast, that’s awesome. I love when other people cook for me. BUT I do not like the mess other people make while cooking. I can’t relax while eating my Mother’s Day breakfast while sitting at the table staring at the mountain of dishes in the sink.
Unsure what to get mom for Mother’s Day? How about an adorable pair of shoes!

2. Plan The Day. This is SO important. Don’t make Mom wake up on her special day and then say so, what do you want to do today? Nothing says, I put no thought into this day like asking Mom, on the day of, what she wants to do.

It’s pretty simple actually.

You should know mom better than anyone, and chances are if she’s anything like me she’s dropped some hints about what she wants to do on her special day. So, plan it for her. Does she want to get a pedicure in peace? Call and schedule it for her! Tell her that you have the kids and she has an appointment to go relax. Does she want to do something as a family? Go to brunch? Hike? PLAN IT. Plan a picnic, get ready before the big day! Don’t make her do any of the work.

3. Let Her Use The Bathroom Alone. Every single time. You read that right, one full day of letting mommy pee, poop, and shower all alone. By alone, I don’t mean have the kids standing outside of the door screaming at her. I’m talking quiet, alone, non-rushed, bathroom time. Let her do what dad gets to do every day!

Do you know how often, as a mom, I get to use the bathroom by myself?

Maybe, and I mean maybe once a day. Trust me when I say it’s not easy to poop when you have two kids running around the bathroom, yelling at you, ripping the towels out of the closet. Or when you can hear them screaming for mommy even though you left them with daddy. It’s important to remember to not make mommy feel bad for wanting to wash her hair alone.

4. Tend To The Children. If Mom is a stay at home mom then there is a good chance that all she does all day is wipe butts, kiss boo-boos, and obviously, take care of the kids.

Do this for her.

Baby pooped? Change that diaper immediately! Is the toddler screaming in the kitchen for a snack? Get up and get him one. Let Mama relax for one day, it may seem so simple but to her, it is a huge deal!

These simple steps will help Mama have the best day ever.

Of course, you can go above and beyond with simple steps like these. Do you know what would start my morning off just right? Have coffee made before I wake up. I’m getting all excited just thinking about that!

Remember Mother’s Day does not have to be expensive. I mean it can be, I don’t mind that either. Most of the time it’s the thought that counts! Make that special mom in your life feel special. Doesn’t she deserve it?

What do you like to do for Mother’s Day? Sit around and chill with the family? Have a day to yourself at the spa? Let me know in the comments!

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The Loneliness Of Exclusive Breastfeeding: Plus Bonus Tips For Your Partner

Exclusive Breastfeeding; Tale Of The Lonely Mama. Plus bonus tips for your partner!

If you have read any of my previous posts then by now you know what to expect from me when it comes to breastfeeding. If you have never read any of my posts, first of all, why not?? Second, I will fill you in. I am a huge breastfeeding advocate. Although I am a huge breastfeeding advocate I will never formula shame. So don’t bring any of that negativity over here y’all.

Breastfeeding in general is hard. Worth it, but hard. There are several challenges breastfeeding moms face. So many in fact, I wouldn’t be able to list them all in one blog post.

Not only is breastfeeding hard, but exclusive breastfeeding comes with its own set of problems entirely. I’m here to talk about the main problem that I have run into.

Exclusive breastfeeding is lonely.

Of course, it’s worth it, and I absolutely love the bond it has created between me and my children. Sometimes though, you miss adult company. You will often feel left out. Sometimes you often notice people won’t even invite you to do things anymore.

Why? Well, it’s simple. Because you can’t. Let’s say your exclusively breastfed baby nurses every two hours. That means you cannot be away from your baby for more than two hours. Right there, limits what you can do while away from your baby.

Maybe your baby will take a bottle every now and then and you feel comfortable leaving your child for slightly more than two hours. There is another problem. Your boobs. Those giant milk filled fun bags are used to being relieved every two hours. If you are not back to your baby chances are your boobs are starting to fill up, very large, very leaky, and very tender!

Hang on everyone I have to run outside to grab my pump and find a nice spot to relieve my tatas. Should be easy at this outdoor concert, right? Ya, no.

The problem is the world does not revolve around you, or your milk filled tatas. Life goes on for EVERYONE ELSE. Just not you. Sometimes it does not bother you and sometimes it leaves you crying into a box of Oreos for an hour.

You are fully aware that you will not be nursing forever, you are also fully aware that it’s not anyone else’s problem that you are a nursing mama. But, you are still lonely. It’s natural to be a little upset when your husband gets to go do fun stuff without you. Okay, it’s natural to be pissed. It’s okay that your feelings are hurt because your friends stopped inviting you to moms night out. You know why they stopped inviting you, yet, it still gives you a little pain right in the ole’ ticker.

Let’s say there is an event that you can bring your baby with, chances are you still will be lonely. The moment the host of the house or event offers you a private room to nurse your baby (don’t be mad at these people usually they are just trying to make you more comfortable) you instantly feel separated from everyone.

I have no problem nursing in front of people. But my baby finds it difficult to concentrate when there is background noise. This is when I usually take the host up on their offer to use the private room and nurse my sweet baby. Alone. Are you seeing a trend here?

Alone, this is a word I know all too well. Again, I would not change the way I feed my babies but I feel this is a subject that EBF mama’s need to talk about. And sometimes it’s nice having someone to relate too. Hang in there ladies, remember the benefits outweigh the struggles; and know you are not alone!

Bonus Tips: How to support your spouse/partner who exclusively breastfeeds your child.

That’s just it, support her. Try to understand her. Don’t become angry with her when she is crying because her feelings are hurt. She is breastfeeding your child. She is a mother who is trying to do what is best for your children.

Let’s say your baby is now nine months old, do me a favor, think of everything you have done without your wife/partner in those nine months. No matter how small/big the event. Now think of everything she has done without you. Think of everything she has done away from the kids. If this list seems a little one-sided; here are some tips to support her in the future.

  1. Don’t leave her out. It’s that simple. If you were invited to do something awesome that you know your wife cannot attend. (Be real don’t make her feel bad by half-ass inviting her even though you know she can’t go.) Don’t go. Don’t make her feel bad about you missing the event, simply don’t go. Remember you are in this together!
  2. If you feel you MUST go without your wife, explain to her why, and make it up to her. Again, don’t become upset with her if she becomes emotional. Explain to her why you feel you need to go to this event. Then try to surprise her with something special. Surprise her with something that will lift her spirits. You should know your wife/partner well enough to know what that is. This will show her that even though you are leaving her behind, you are still thinking of her and care about her feelings.
  3. Try to understand her and be on HER side. Sometimes people will become frustrated with you for not being able to attend certain events. You will probably become frustrated with her as well. Instead of saying “Ya, it’s all Debbie’s fault, she thinks she can’t go and will throw a fit if I do.” Say, “Sorry, I don’t want to go without Debbie, maybe next time.” You may be worried about letting your friends or family down, but try to remember she is your partner, you need to worry about not letting her down over anyone else. Stand up for your wife fellas, she’ll love you even more for it.
  4. Sit with her. Does she need to feed in a private room because she is uncomfortable? Or maybe your baby won’t eat with background noise? Instead of watching her walk into a room all alone to sit for 20 minutes, why not join her? Would you want to go sit in a strange room by yourself for 20 minutes? Uh, No. You wouldn’t.

Now, I am not saying that you have to pass up every little event. Or that you have to do everything together. Did you do everything together before your wife became an EBF mom? Probably not. But, did you BOTH get to have a life? I am asking you to put on your partner’s shoes. How would you feel? When she is done nursing things can go back to normal. I promise your wife will thank you for it.

Thank you for reading! Are you an EBF mom? Do you ever feel lonely? Tell me in the comments!

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Why Are Moms Always So Tired?

Being a mom comes with a guarantee that you will be tired for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Okay, I’m not sure about the rest of your life because my oldest child is two. I am convinced though, I may never sleep again.

My youngest is about seven months old now and finally sleeping through the night. She only woke up about three-four times last night for a boobie. Alright, so maybe she doesn’t sleep through the night. Why do I keep telling people that? She doesn’t wake up screaming anymore and doesn’t need to be rocked, bounced, swung, fed, changed, and the witness of an animal sacrifice just to fall back asleep. Thank God, we were running out of chickens.

So WHY am I still so tired? I mean my daughter usually wakes up between 5-6 am and my son usually wakes up between 6-7 am. With my daughter only waking up three-four times at night that should be plenty of rest, right?

Now that I think of it, I am getting plenty of rest. We start our bedtime routine at 7 pm usually. I don’t have super-mom powers, so sometimes it’s 8 pm..9 pm. Whatever, quit judging me. It doesn’t matter what time I start our bedtime routine because my son HATES SLEEP. If we happen to start our routine at seven and are in bed before eight, my son will usually fall asleep pretty quick. By pretty quick I mean around midnight.

Let’s recap. I’m getting plenty of sleep.

Falling asleep around midnight,  waking up three-four times with the baby throughout the night, then waking up between 5 and 6 am. Okay, I am seriously not seeing the problem. Even if I was not getting enough sleep at night it’s not like I do anything during the day except lay around. I’m a stay at home mom for goodness sake.

The only things I do all day with the kids is feed, bathe, dress, play with, teach, read to, care for, and change their diapers. Then I only do a few things around the house, such as cook, clean, laundry, dishes, vacuum, and sweep. None of these few things I do all day are tiring. I should have plenty of energy to accomplish those things I might do that day.
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I absolutely can not wrap my mind around why I am so tired! Maybe I am oversleeping. Maybe I have too much time to myself. I can usually go pee by myself once a day and get a shower every three days. That has to be the problem. I am relaxing too much. A body at rest tends to stay at rest, right? I’m pretty sure I just hit you with some physics.

I guess I will never know why I am so damn tired. It’s okay though, that is why God invented coffee. That is why God invented Starbucks. God invented coffee for moms. For lazy moms who oversleep and do nothing, like me!

Are you a tired mom? Are you like me and have absolutely no idea why you are so tired? Tell me in the comments!

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Why are Moms always so tired?

How To Add Breast Milk To Baby Food Without Pumping

Yes, I Just Milked Myself.

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My five month old daughter has recently started on solid foods. So far she has tried rice, oatmeal, and avocados. I like to make my own baby food at home (I know, shocker right!?) and in making my own baby food I mix everything with breast milk.

I will usually pump breast milk to freeze and then pump some more to use to make baby food. Since my daughter is just starting out I really haven’t pumped much to make baby food. Pumping is so exhausting to me and it is extremely time consuming! So if I don’t have to do it, I won’t.

Since I haven’t been pumping to make food, I have two choices. Defrost something I have in the freezer, which I hate to do because I have a fear I will someday need all of that, or I can just milk myself! I obviously go with number two, because why not?

The only problem with milking yourself (hand expressing if you need a more proper term) is it’s extremely embarrassing if someone walks in on you standing in your kitchen with your shirt up and boob in hand. I’ve started just telling my husband before I do it. He’s got to think I’m the laziest or the craziest woman in the world. Another problem is if your ‘let down’ starts you have to run and grab baby and hope she is hungry! You don’t want to get a clogged duct!

It’s just so easy to do it my lazy way! I put some avocados in a bowl mash them up good, then pull out my milk makers and squeeze until I have enough liquid gold in the bowl to make the perfect consistency for her baby food! Bam! No 20 minute pumping session, no defrosting what you have stored.

A little advice if you are going to try this. Make sure no one is going to walk into the kitchen and see you squirting milk everywhere. If you have guests, or you are afraid your husband will see and make fun of you then quickly run to your bedroom and do some squeezing. (Seriously it usually takes me one minute to get enough milk!)

The more I write this, the more I actually think I might be losing it. Is it normal to whip out a boobie to squeeze out some breast milk?  Am I too comfortable?

Have you ever done anything like this? What all do you use your breast milk for?

Thank you for reading! Please like and share!

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Chores, How young is too young?

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I am CONSTANTLY fighting with my two year old about cleaning his room. This is the one chore he will fight me to the death on. He ALWAYS wins. Why? Because he’s a little shit, and I am weak. His favorite game is to pull out every toy and book he can find and then throw them on the floor or in the crib. When I ask him to put the books away, he usually responds with, “No, how ‘bout you do it, Mommy.”

WTF? How am I taking orders from a two year old?? I always give in because I’m tired of walking into his room, stepping on a Lego and falling face first into a bowl of two day old cereal. Every now and then, he obliges and will half-ass clean up. (I can’t really blame him on that part, I half-ass clean everything.) It makes me so proud and so happy and I really try to show him that. I just wish it would happen more often.

He LOVES to help me with laundry. He likes to take the clothes out of the washer and put them into the dryer and then take them out of the dryer and into the basket. It makes the process about 100 times longer, but what the heck, he wants to help so I let him! He also likes to help unload the dishwasher. This one is a little trickier because I have to get anything sharp and breakable away from him as soon as possible. He will pick up anything he can reach and hand it to me to put away. Again, it makes doing the dishes about 100 times longer, but it’s worth it.

Did I mention that my son is a technological genius? He can pick up any phone/tablet and navigate to YouTube and watch his “Daddy Finger” videos. He can also get to any game and figure out how to play it within minutes. If my son can pick up an electronic that I’ve had for years, (and haven’t figured out how to use) and learn to use it in 5 minutes or less, he can clean his damn room. A few months after turning two, my sweet little boy turned into a bossy terrible two year old. I think I let him get away with too much. No more, it stops here.

When he wakes up from his nap, he is marching straight into his room and picking up all of his toys. Then he will grab a mop and get to work in the kitchen. No more free rides around here. He is two years old. He needs to learn that life is hard. It’s time learn that there are no freebies in life. You want that PAW Patrol yogurt for a snack, get to cleanin’ son. I’m not entirely sure what other cleaning I can have him do. But this has to teach him some responsibility right?

What types of chores do your children do and at what ages did they start? Is two too young? Am I going to be turned in for being a child slave laborer?

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You Can’t Pour From An Empty Cup

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Have you ever heard the saying, ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup?’ I’m here to tell you that I think that is BS. If you are a mother, you can pour from an empty cup. You HAVE to pour from an empty cup because sometimes you ARE an empty cup!

I’ve recently put this to the test. My five month old daughter was hospitalized for RSV. It was the most stressful week of my life. I got a total of 5 hours of sleep in 3 days. (Not an exaggeration.) I hardly ate or drank anything the entire time we were in the hospital because I was there by myself most of the time. I handled almost everything alone. My cup was empty, I was empty. But somehow, I kept pouring. Every little thing my daughter needed I was there. I was alert. Delirious, but alert. I never let her see how tired and beat down I was.

As I sat there in the hospital bed with my baby girl, covered in her vomit and mucus, all I could think was how I would do anything in the world to keep her safe. How even though, I feel I have nothing to give, I would still give everything I could to her. My body was so tired from no sleep, and sharing a hospital bed with my baby, but if she wanted to be held, I held her. If she wanted to nurse, I nursed her. If she wanted to play, I played with her. I have no idea how I was able to do this. No idea how I didn’t just pass out on the floor and die. I really thought I was going too.

This is why moms are superheroes. We defy the odds. We go against the laws of nature. If it comes down to it, we don’t need sleep. Moms don’t need to eat. We don’t need to shower. A mother will do WHATEVER it takes to keep our little ones safe. Even if that means giving more than we have to give.

I know, I know, when given the opportunity we need to take care of ourselves. But in a situation like this, there was no taking care of myself, and somehow I still was able to give. I hit rock bottom, then kept digging. Because I am a mom. I’ll never stop. I’ll never quit. I will drink a cup of nasty hospital coffee and force myself to squeeze a drop of something into my “cup”.

When God created women he put something in our hearts that activates when we become a mother. Something that kicks in when our children need us. He created us to be able to give when we have nothing. I can’t tell you how it works. I can’t give you advice on how to keep on giving. It’s just something inside of us that happens. Most of all it happens when you love someone more than you love yourself.

This is why I believe you CAN pour from an empty cup.

Have you ever been in a situation like this? Have you ever felt like an empty cup? Let me know in the comments!

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The Day I She-Hulked

I used to take my son to a playgroup for children three and under. I was trying to do my duty of being a good mom by not turning my son into a complete recluse(like his mother). It appeared to be working as E was very social at that time. One special day, a couple of kids showed up. E was by far the youngest, only being one.

There was a mom who brought her mother and a friend along. They sat in the corner talking; ignoring the kids the entire time. They were constantly swearing and kept going outside to smoke. I was irritated, but I thought maybe they were having a bad day. I just kept engaging with the children.

Finally, it was time to go outside. E grabbed a ball and was playing by himself. I stood back a little bit to give him free range. Then the little girl of the swearing mom came up to him. Let’s call her Rosie(she reminded me of a mini version of Rosie O’Donnell).

Rosie, who was about 3 but looked about 5, approached E and grabbed the ball from him. She took off with it, and E just stood there unsure of how to react. I gave him a second to see how he would handle the situation. I look over at Rosie’s mom, Ms. McSmokeface, who hadn’t even looked up to notice that her daughter just stole a toy from a little boy.

I decided to approach Rosie.

“Rosie, that wasn’t very nice, if you want to play with the ball you need to ask E if you can play with it. Please give it back to E.” I don’t know what the rules are on approaching other people’s children, but since her mother did nothing, and my son was so much younger I decided to say something. Not like Ms. McSmokeface even noticed.

Rosie gave the ball to E and stood by him as if she were going to play with him. I gave them some space again. I was thinking everything was fixed, and they would play together! Wrong. Little Rosie walked up to E, took the ball from him, and shoved him down!

I instantly “she-hulked” My eyes turned a dark shade of green. My muscles grew so big that my shirt was ripping, and veins were popping out everywhere. I was PISSED. I turn to look at Rosie’s mom while growling and foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog. She saw the entire thing and what did she do? She turned back to her friend and continued to talk. Something snapped inside of me, and I turned into the Mom-ster that no one should ever have to see.

I started walking towards Rosie, banging my fists against my chest like a wild ape. Helicopters swarmed the skies with snipers ready to shoot. The National Guard rolled in driving huge tanks, ready to put the beast down.

The friend of Ms. McSmokeface knew it was about to go down. She grabbed Rosie’s mom by the arm and made her walk over to Rosie. They must have seen the look in my eye, and started to run to Rosie.

Ms. McSmokeface’s friend, told Rosie, “That wasn’t nice, you need to say sorry,” and that was the end of it.

Rosie didn’t say sorry.

McSmokeface didn’t apologize.

I believe steam was coming out of my ears, and I could feel words coming to my mouth that should never be spoken in front of children. I picked up my son, who was staring at me wondering why I had turned into the incredible hulk, and we left.

I’m not the perfect mom, some situations I just can’t handle with grace and class. My way of handling this situation was turning into a wild animal, running circles around the kids all while foaming at the mouth.

Some of this post is contradictory to my post “Stop the Hate.” The name calling that appears in this post are for humor purposes only, to explain how I felt during this situation.

Have you ever been in a situation where your mama bear instinct kicked in? Have you ever “she-hulked?” Let me know below! I won’t judge you!

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