A Letter To My Husband on Father’s Day

With Father’s Day upon us I would like to take a minute to say a little bit about my husband. The father of my children and the most important man in my life.

Dear Husband,

Thank you. I know I do not say this enough. You go to work every day and bust your butt so we can have an amazing life. Thank you for allowing me to be a stay at home mom with our children. Thank you for supporting me and helping me follow my dreams.
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You do so much more than work though. You do all of the hard things that I won’t. Like, clean up vomit. Not only the kids and the dogs but mine too. I don’t even have to ask and for this, I thank you. Thank you for doing all of the gross work.

 
You don’t know how much I appreciate every single back rub. (Yes, I know I ask every single night.) You only give me a few groans but you still do it. After dealing with the kids all day it’s so nice to be spoiled by you. I know you deserve a back rub too, I swear someday I’ll get to it.

Thank you for loving me even though I am not the same woman you met ten years ago. I can no longer fit into those little outfits I used to wear. I have stretch marks that look like a map of the United States. You still love me, you still make me feel beautiful, and you don’t comment when I haven’t shaved my legs in a month. I appreciate that.

 
Thank you for always having my back. When it comes to my parenting methods, my family, your family, or just in general, you always support me. I know I am not the easiest person to deal with and you only sometimes make fun of my awkwardness. For that, I love you even more.

 

I am so in love with how much you love our children. You are the best father in the world and they adore you. (M always pulling your beard and ripping your glasses off is her way of saying, I love you, Daddy.) The kids are crazy all of the time. Where was I going with that? Oh, they are crazy but they love you. Even if you think they don’t show it.

 
Thank you for being patient with me. In all aspects of our marriage. I know you don’t get much you time. Just know that I notice. I don’t give you as much attention and I did before our kids, okay you hardly get any at all. I swear someday I will figure it out.

 
There is so much more I could say but our kids are waking up and ain’t nobody got time for that.
I love you, babycakes!
Do you have an amazing man in your life?? Tell me about him!

Father's Day

 

Top Four Necessities Every Stay At Home Mom Needs

Being a stay at home mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world.

I am going to tell you the absolute most important things you will need to survive your job as a stay at home mom.

Number one: Yoga Pants.

Okay, you know what. I am THAT mom. Yes, the mom who is constantly wearing yoga pants. And guess what? I don’t care! Before you roll your eyes at me just hear me out.

Do you know the last time I went to yoga? Probably about two years ago. Just look at my butt, my hips don’t lie. Do you know the last time I wore yoga pants? I’m wearing them right now.

So, why do I wear my yoga pants you ask? Why do I think every stay at home mom needs some of this goodness in their life? Let me give you a few reasons why.

They are comfortable. Have you ever put on a pair of yoga pants? Well, then you know what I am talking about. I am a stay at home mom, do I have to wear tight fitting blue jeans just to get pooped on every day? My jobs are; a maid, a chef, a chauffeur, and so many other jobs. I think I deserve the right to be comfortable while scrubbing other people’s shit out of my toilet.

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I can move in them. Duh, that’s what they are made for. I just use them for It’s nice to be able to bend over to pick up the 100th toy of the day without splitting them up the middle. Have you ever played “horsey” in a pair of jeans or maxi dress? If you have, then you will understand why I wear yoga pants.

Number Two: COFFEE

Yes, this one is a given. Do you need me to elaborate on this one? Without coffee, I am a momster. Do you know how much sleep I got last night? If you are curious please go ahead and read this post.

One morning without coffee and all hell breaks loose. I am talking I CANNOT FUNCTION. Your duties as a mom never end. From the moment you wake up to the moment you fall asleep. And sometimes while you are asleep. When you wake up at six am with the baby and walk into your living room that is filled with toys and clothes and you lay eyes on that sink full of dishes. Trust me, you will want that cup of coffee.

Now, I am not saying you need to drive to your nearest Starbucks and order a $10 triple shot soy macchiato concoction. A $10 coffee pot in your house will do just fine. Besides, I need a cup of coffee before I can operate heavy machinery so even if I were to go to Starbucks every day, I’d still need my coffee at home first.

Number Three: A Hobby

Yes, I hear you. A Hobby? Who has time you a hobby? What am I some sort of magical fairy mom who farts time so I can have a hobby? Okay, calm down. Yes, you have time for a hobby and yes, you need a hobby.

Why? Well, let me tell you. YOU WILL GO ABSOLUTELY BAT SHIT INSANE if you do not find something that is just for you. As a stay at home mom, you dedicate 24 hours a day to your children and your house. That’s 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Sure, maybe at first it doesn’t seem so bad. Then one day you will realize that you have lost yourself. You are a slave to your little minions.

Finding time for a hobby is so important. Important for you and for the safety of your little poop machines. You can find time, I promise. I do not care what the hobby is. If it makes you happy and you do it FOR YOU. Then that’s all you need.

Number Four: Wine

For all of you out there who don’t drink wine or coffee, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m stumped. For the rest of us, trust me, we need wine. Why is wine on this list you ask?

Children.

That’s why.

What is the number one thing that you cannot survive motherhood without? Is it on this list?

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Why Are Moms Always So Tired?

Being a mom comes with a guarantee that you will be tired for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Okay, I’m not sure about the rest of your life because my oldest child is two. I am convinced though, I may never sleep again.

My youngest is about seven months old now and finally sleeping through the night. She only woke up about three-four times last night for a boobie. Alright, so maybe she doesn’t sleep through the night. Why do I keep telling people that? She doesn’t wake up screaming anymore and doesn’t need to be rocked, bounced, swung, fed, changed, and the witness of an animal sacrifice just to fall back asleep. Thank God, we were running out of chickens.

So WHY am I still so tired? I mean my daughter usually wakes up between 5-6 am and my son usually wakes up between 6-7 am. With my daughter only waking up three-four times at night that should be plenty of rest, right?

Now that I think of it, I am getting plenty of rest. We start our bedtime routine at 7 pm usually. I don’t have super-mom powers, so sometimes it’s 8 pm..9 pm. Whatever, quit judging me. It doesn’t matter what time I start our bedtime routine because my son HATES SLEEP. If we happen to start our routine at seven and are in bed before eight, my son will usually fall asleep pretty quick. By pretty quick I mean around midnight.

Let’s recap. I’m getting plenty of sleep.

Falling asleep around midnight,  waking up three-four times with the baby throughout the night, then waking up between 5 and 6 am. Okay, I am seriously not seeing the problem. Even if I was not getting enough sleep at night it’s not like I do anything during the day except lay around. I’m a stay at home mom for goodness sake.

The only things I do all day with the kids is feed, bathe, dress, play with, teach, read to, care for, and change their diapers. Then I only do a few things around the house, such as cook, clean, laundry, dishes, vacuum, and sweep. None of these few things I do all day are tiring. I should have plenty of energy to accomplish those things I might do that day.
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I absolutely can not wrap my mind around why I am so tired! Maybe I am oversleeping. Maybe I have too much time to myself. I can usually go pee by myself once a day and get a shower every three days. That has to be the problem. I am relaxing too much. A body at rest tends to stay at rest, right? I’m pretty sure I just hit you with some physics.

I guess I will never know why I am so damn tired. It’s okay though, that is why God invented coffee. That is why God invented Starbucks. God invented coffee for moms. For lazy moms who oversleep and do nothing, like me!

Are you a tired mom? Are you like me and have absolutely no idea why you are so tired? Tell me in the comments!

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Why are Moms always so tired?

How I Stopped Laundry From Controlling My Life

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That’s it! I quit! HOW IN THE HELL IS THERE SO MUCH LAUNDRY IN MY HOUSE? There are four of us total. For shits sake, I hardly ever change my clothes (Gross, I know.) I can wear the same pair of yoga pants for 3 days straight. So how in the hell are these three baskets full of dirty clothes? How does every room in the house have piles of clothes that my baby can get lost in?

I swear, I wash and I wash and I wash. I feel like all I do all day, every day is wash, dry, sometimes fold, and repeat. (Don’t even mention ironing, if you ask me to iron your clothes I’ll punch you in the face.)

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I am no good at lying, and as a result you’ve probably noticed by now I hate cleaning. Even if I did enjoy it, I am not very good at any of it. I don’t pretreat stains. Hell, I don’t even check pockets. I once washed and dried crayons. As a result it was a massive disaster ruining all sorts of clothes. One time I accidentally washed the remote control because I didn’t shake out the blanket. Hubby wasn’t very happy about that one.

People must break into my house while I’m sleeping, wear my families clothes, then take them off and throw them on the floor. That has to be it. Neither of my kids can dress/undress themselves so how is this happening?

Folding, don’t even get me started on folding. Who has time for this?! It seems like I really do try. I set the laundry basket out, separate a few items, walk away, forget what I was doing, get back to it the next day.

My husband has to have clean, wrinkle-free clothes for work, so I actually do try to put a little effort into his work clothes. Again, I usually fail epically but it’s the thought that counts right?

Therefore I have decided to just say “suck it” to the laundry. I’m not doing it anymore. So I’ll wash and try to remember to dry in the same day. I think that’s probably good enough. I’ll throw the clean clothes onto my son’s bed because he doesn’t sleep on it. We can dig through and find what we need. I’ll use that time I’m saving to have a little “me time” which includes wine and Steve Harvey. I really think I deserve it.

Does anyone else have this problem? Are you on top of your laundry or does it rule your house?

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Chores, How young is too young?

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I am CONSTANTLY fighting with my two year old about cleaning his room. This is the one chore he will fight me to the death on. He ALWAYS wins. Why? Because he’s a little shit, and I am weak. His favorite game is to pull out every toy and book he can find and then throw them on the floor or in the crib. When I ask him to put the books away, he usually responds with, “No, how ‘bout you do it, Mommy.”

WTF? How am I taking orders from a two year old?? I always give in because I’m tired of walking into his room, stepping on a Lego and falling face first into a bowl of two day old cereal. Every now and then, he obliges and will half-ass clean up. (I can’t really blame him on that part, I half-ass clean everything.) It makes me so proud and so happy and I really try to show him that. I just wish it would happen more often.

He LOVES to help me with laundry. He likes to take the clothes out of the washer and put them into the dryer and then take them out of the dryer and into the basket. It makes the process about 100 times longer, but what the heck, he wants to help so I let him! He also likes to help unload the dishwasher. This one is a little trickier because I have to get anything sharp and breakable away from him as soon as possible. He will pick up anything he can reach and hand it to me to put away. Again, it makes doing the dishes about 100 times longer, but it’s worth it.

Did I mention that my son is a technological genius? He can pick up any phone/tablet and navigate to YouTube and watch his “Daddy Finger” videos. He can also get to any game and figure out how to play it within minutes. If my son can pick up an electronic that I’ve had for years, (and haven’t figured out how to use) and learn to use it in 5 minutes or less, he can clean his damn room. A few months after turning two, my sweet little boy turned into a bossy terrible two year old. I think I let him get away with too much. No more, it stops here.

When he wakes up from his nap, he is marching straight into his room and picking up all of his toys. Then he will grab a mop and get to work in the kitchen. No more free rides around here. He is two years old. He needs to learn that life is hard. It’s time learn that there are no freebies in life. You want that PAW Patrol yogurt for a snack, get to cleanin’ son. I’m not entirely sure what other cleaning I can have him do. But this has to teach him some responsibility right?

What types of chores do your children do and at what ages did they start? Is two too young? Am I going to be turned in for being a child slave laborer?

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